Wednesday, March 23, 2011


An article about reality of rationality, posted by my good friend pushed me into further depths to see bit more clearly what rationality is. There are people like Bertrand Russell and Friedrich Nietzsche who promoted rational thinking vigorously. But were they wholly rational in their thoughts? If they were, were they rational in their deeds?  Russell married a number of times in his long life of almost a hundred years, and I think all his five marriages failed. Could he not, - a genius, rational thinker - be rational regarding his own expectations from a marriage, having written with so amazing logic and clarity, the effects and influences of religious, cultural and social beliefs on a marital relationship, in his controversial book "Marriage and Morals" making it seldom easy for any intellectual person to question his views and reason? Or, was he experimenting with marriages to find out the truth? And Nietzsche makes me think that he was a woman hater. Look at his famous quote - "Ah, women! they make your highs higher and lows frequent". There is also a story inside his famous story "Thus Spake Zarathushtra", the protagonist in an argument with an old woman, in which he condemns women in every possible way, though finally the woman wins the argument. What is rational in hating women? What is rational in hate itself? After all the relationship between man and woman is natural, (sic) rational and complimentary to life on earth.

I am a rationalist. Rather it would be more correct if I say, I wish to be called a rationalist. Know why? It is seldom possible for a conditioned mind to be unconditioned. Yes, the mind, ie., me, has to be irrational. But is it possible for a mind to be rational when its very birth takes place in irrationality? There is no (thinking) mind when a child is born. Mind takes birth after the child is born, when the child uses the genetic inputs in the cell programmed to react in a particular way to the prevailing environment, to record the event in the form of memory. From this point on, mind or the person takes shape with all the external influences stored in the form of memory for future use. The most of the influence is from nearest people around. And 100% of the people around, that matter most for a child to develop 'thinking', belong to one or other faith, tradition and culture, all of which are full of irrational beliefs. So for a mind that is irrational right from its base, is it really possible to be wholly rational?

What is rationality, rational thinking? Bertrand Russell defines it something like,- to believe something which stands all tests, primarily scientific, as real is rational and that which does not stand test of time and circumstances is just a belief, irrational which may or may not be real. For me even science is irrational. For this statement of mine, you are very well at your liberty to declare that my thinking is flawed or skewed; it is your privilege. You are welcome even if you think I am a fit case to be in a mental asylum! But science goes on discovering a new theory displacing the previous one to fall wayside. Till then they have all relied on the previous one. Is that rational? For almost a century, it is believed that atom consists of a static nucleus and revolving electrons. This concept of protons and electron has fallen wayside about a decade back. To put it vaguely, scientists are now miffed by the truth of the same particle existing simultaneously at two places inside an atom, pushing Einstein into side wings! Almost entire modern science had relied heavily on Einstein's E= MC squared  theorem. Now this theorem is under serious threat of extinction! What then is rational about science? The new is discovered on the belief of the old, is that rational?

To be in a lighter vein, I remember of a friend who boasted that she was practicing meditation since the age of fourteen  every morning at three, nonstop. She was in her early fifties at that time when she became my friend through Internet. We used to discuss a lot of spirituality through mails and messenger chat. When the friendship became closer, she revealed her scorn against the alcoholism of her husband, who used to tell her why crack your head in spirituality when life is there simply to enjoy! This man's thinking is very rational, is it not? Live in this moment! And when this friend of mine became highly disturbed because her son declared his intentions to marry his Muslim girlfriend (both lived in the US), it was irrational side of her so called spiritual mind; at least I look at it that way, because she had not seen in her long years of meditation that nothing in this world belongs to her, being possessive is irrational, right?

Tuesday, March 22, 2011


"..... because I have been sidetracked for over 20 years..... courts, cases, friends, pranks, a marriage, several affairs (laughs)....... I got sidetracked. And now that I am retired, nothing sidetracks me. I was in the bar the other night..... and I saw myself....having dinner alone......and..well, I didn't like myself..."

I find this dialogue in an Spanish Argentinian movie with English sub titles from Spanish. As I said in my earlier blog, I have this opportunity to view a number of movies of all leading countries on line, courtesy my daughter. I am in America visiting my daughters. Also as I said in my earlier blog, I have difficulties in following American accent and the on-line stream does not offer sub titles for English movies, so I pick from their Foreign Movies section. I had no opportunity to view French, Italian, Mexican and Argentinian movies before. There are some excellent movies from these countries.

That piece of dialogue I quoted was put in the mouth of a leading character, a retired detective in the movie, made my own memories to unwind. I don't know in what meaning the translator used that word 'sidetracked', I take it he did not have time to look at himself.

I am now self retired since four years from a small time business. But it was long before retirement, I started to look and wonder at myself in the void created when the last of my children, all three girls, proceeded to America seeking higher education in the year 2001. Her eldest sister had already started her own family giving birth to a girl child simultaneously doing her post graduation in Obstetrics & Gynaecology, after her marriage. And her immediate elder was already here in America seeking a research slot after her post graduation at Texas A&M University.

It was in that void I started searching for myself, my identity. I started wondering - is there an identity except that I am son of so and so, then husband of so and so followed by father of so and so running a so and so business. Yes, I was 'sidetracked' for over, not 20 but 30 years. But in that void created after all the children became adults capable of taking care of themselves, I could not find myself, let alone whether I liked myself or not. In these long ten years I have searched and still searching - who am I without a given identity? Is there an easy way to look at? I have all my traits - my quick temper, that crass anger, that sensitivity and sentimentality, that unpredictable behavior ... - everything intact. The only thing I could discover in these years is that I am nothing, yes, absolutely nothing without these attributes, the personality traits. I want to see myself in that nothingness; is that possible? I think it is, because of late I have started having glimpses of that nothingness; glimpses of getting lost in the void....and believe me, in that state I touch the borders of immensity, profundity - call it what you will - of life without biases, without prejudices, without given values, without virtues, pride....without all that mind has created, nursed and attached to life,....the wholeness of life without 'me'. Yes, the wholeness, the true beauty without created attachments.

Thursday, March 17, 2011


Right now I am in America, on a second visit in three years to my daughters living here. How do I pass my time? They all - my friends and relatives,- the the people who know me  - ask this question. Well, how do I pass my  time, huh? Basically I am a loner. I always prefer to be left alone, and I find it, most of the times very comfortable, alone, away, some times far, far away from this superficial world. And yes, at times I also find myself very depressed. But then it doesn't take long before I bounce back into the realities of the present.

Depression...thought process...that is exactly not the purpose of writing now.....  People who care, have advised me a number of times to sit and write; they believe I have the skill, some even come forward to make arrangements to print and publish!! But they may not, but you & I do know, I am not made of that stuff. A moody fellow, with changing moods faster than you may note, that is me. And of course, I simply don't care for the money, or the fame, accolades or whatever rewards publishing may bring.

So why do I write now? see? I forgot, why I wanted to write now, nor what I wanted to write! Has been a long time you know, since I posted my last blog? Ah, yes, time, how I pass my time here in Austin, Texas.

My daughter became a member by subscription to NETFLIX, an on-line DVD rental company. In addition to regular delivery of DVD's by post, they offer free and unlimited access to viewing of movie stream on-line. I have been seeing a lot of movies, some interest me and take me to the and some of course, I stop after seeing a little or a bit more. Critical reviews are also there by members and premier show viewers, for every movie description, which really help. And the company maintains a really amazing collection of movies. Old - some are of the period before I was even born! - new, in a variety of languages including Hindi.  And there are western quickies, my college time favortites! There are movies of every genre in this portal, - right from hard core pornography to top spiritual matter. History to histrionics, war, thrillers, comedy, romance, name them, it is there in their library and I have free access, courtesy my working daughter.

You know now, how I pass my time.

I have so far seen a number of movies on line. There are some really classic movies. And the amazing thing I discover so late in life is that there are quite ordinary people with certain skills in film industry, who may not know they have seen the truth of this life on earth more closely than a Fridrich Nietzsche, a Bertrand Russell, Jiddu Krishnamurti, Deepak Chopra, Jesus Christ or a Lord Krishna. But they show them to you through their characters, their cenematic skills, not by dumb lecture!

I have much difficulties in following American accent. But subtitle option is there for the DVDs received for home viewing, but not for streaming movies on-line. But for on-line streaming movies English sub titles are there for any other language than English. And to some extent I can follow British accent. I also have difficulties quick, fast reading and that gives a serious disadvantage of watching the characters, the action. Yet, I am able to enjoy the content and its presentation through the medium.

And why did I say that ordinary people are closer to life than the religious and spiritual stalwarts? the so called masters, Messiahs, Incarnations and Avtars? Simple! They don't know (that) what they know! Yes, it is that simple. As I go through the dialogues of the characters and at times I still the movies to read the subtitled dialogues clearly, often coming from a whore, a criminal or a psychopath, I dive deeper into the truths uttered through the characters and simply get stunned by the creaters of these dialogues and circumstances. They are not one, but a team led by the director. Do they do it with an Oscar in mind? I see some gems in a two starred second rate or third rate movies! There are also Oscar winning movies with great depiction skills. There trues life stories and events.

Truth is not some body's ancestral property, is that? All that matters is when you acquire the ability to see it...and only then you will know how simple it is!