Monday, July 12, 2010

Argument - A Death Knell To Friendship

I met a friend this morning. After the usual hello-ing, he mentioned about his reading my articles in Ezine.  ( However, he took up the matter of antioxidants, a myth I busted in one of my articles. He said he not only promoted of one of the organic brands very successfully but also he was personally using it and having good results. I usually do not argue, but yes, I try to convince if only the other listens and weighs my logic and rationality in my reasoning positively.

Now I would like to use this incident to explain how entering an argument effects one's relationships. And for those who are fresh and ready to enter real life career, this may help very much in self improvement.

What is an argument and why do you argue? Arguments basically prop up from difference of opinion and every opinion is formed on one's learning and beliefs. What does that mean? An argument is essentially a process of promoting one's ego. - "I am right, you are wrong; or I know, you don't!" Please do not get mixed up with learning process, which constitutes several debates, which are not arguments. Debates are part of learning process in which there is no dominant ego. In a true process of learning there is neither 'me' nor 'you'; there exists only a learning process.

So, how do you win an argument whenever you are spiked up for one? Arguments are always to win, aren't they? Do not argue! That is the only and best way to win an argument. Because, if you win the argument, you have lost a friend, a relationship or a moment of love. And if you lost, well you have lost the argument but not a friend, not a relationship. Your ego may get a temporary beating. So avoid arguing. But it is very difficult to avoid arguments because invariably you come to know of it when you have already entered it. That makes, it is very important to observe your words with alertness whenever you are in a conversation. And when you make it a habit to be alert, soon you will be able to see the invitation for an argument with good clarity. Just smile away and change the topic. Ah! you see? It now flashes why some of your friends constantly change the topic in a conversation, some of them with astonishing smoothness.

There are people who insist upon certain rubbish .... hydro-electricity is a process of converting water molecules into electrons; or some tricky beliefs such as 'tiger belongs to dog family'. Just smile, you may need them in some other way, in a field in which they are experts and you may need their help. And there are situations when people simply believe they know certain thing which in fact they don't. That was what happened with my good friend today. This friend of mine told me that the one brand he is marketing is truly organic and 100 % result oriented. I simply asked him if he has read my article. He said no, 'but I scanned it; it was good ...' ! I could smell, the situation was calling for an argument. I could also guess, he wanted to promote his new organic product to me. If you are in sales field you know it. I just told him to again read my article completely but need not tell me how he felt after reading it, if at all he read!

I have not lost my friend, have not hurt his feelings, he deals in quite some quality consumer products apart from genuine computer peripherals. I do need him whenever my computer hoodwinks me!

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